There is a unique journey of creating ourselves awaiting each of us, occurring in several stages of our lives. First step, however, is knowing yourself at the level that is not driven by existing social standards. How to step back from something that is so deeply engraved in us? You need to ask yourself a set of honest questions and give even more honest answers, which might take you back to childhood where we governed ourselves by our primary alignments.
These were often characteristics that some higher authority with all the good intentions tried to eliminate and we did learn to repress them. Paradoxically, they are frequently the most characteristic traits of our personality. There can be a point in life when we suddenly lose our way. It is then that we oftentimes find that the lost path was not the path we truly wanted to follow; we only evaluated it as suitable because the society that brought us up approved of it. This societal pressure is happening subconsciously, it is a classic social standardization in which the majority participates without being aware.
Looking back at our life choices and situations we had found ourselves in can lead us to our very roots. We realize that not only purposeful decisions, but also people, situations and happiness are products of how our thinking is set up. It is pointless to work on our appearance or status before we set the right program in our head, a program we can identify with. Without that all the efforts will turn to nothing.
A journey to yourself is a journey to happiness and it begins by tending to inner settings of our thinking. I set out on the path to self-knowledge thanks to coaching. At the beginning there was an exercise where I had to write down important life events that influenced me positively or negatively, in a chronological order. By doing that I found out that certain situations tend to repeat themselves in my life. I also found out that the people in my life somehow resembled each other or impacted me in the same way. Looking at those facts written down in ink on a white paper I realized that it is most likely an alignment in my head attracting these situations and people into my life. It seemed unbelievable, but I knew that the realization in itself is not enough – I had to start working on myself.
I started to analyze my life situations and choices, reflected on where they came from and why I made them. Mostly, situations from my childhood and adolescence were the answer. For example, since I was a child I wanted to organize everything around me. I was quite assertive and always expressed my opinion, but these characteristics are deemed inappropriate, so I gradually tamed them so much that I became someone who was not me.
Everything happening around me influenced and shaped me. I learnt first of all not to stick out of the crowd, but I did not have a clue that this would continue to affect my whole life and in matters seemingly unrelated. The key was then to change the settings. It was a long journey, and it still is a long journey. Only now I try to check the settings with every task to prevent cycling in settings that do not serve me, but serve the environment or the society.