UnitedLife 05

How does it feel when you ‘should’?

Bez názvu – 7

It shouldn’t be like this; I should change; I ought to stop doing this; people shouldn’t do this. How often do these thoughts run through your head? How many people, situations or even your characteristics and deeds are labeled with ‘should’?

Martina Topalovic
Dipl. Energetikerin | Zentrum Effata Hainburg



In these moments, I feel disgust; I feel tension, disagreement. My chest and stomach get cramped; a frown flies across my face. I don’t feel at peace, I feel rejected because I think things aren’t as they should be. My discomfort is a result of an inner struggle against reality. I think the world ought to be different. Well, am I god himself to know for sure how things should run? Am I the very right person to know how someone else should be acting? Whose playground am I trespassing when I take the right to do the thinking for other people? Is it not solely my being that is my business? Generally, we can reflect upon our own actions, the actions of others or those of the universe, god, our source.

However I am only able to change what belongs to the sphere of my doing, my thinking and my being. So I can honestly ask myself, whose doing am I currently trying to solve or change? If it is not my own doing, then I can just as well stop focusing on it. I can just as well accept the situation or the person just as they are at that given moment. I am inadvertently leading an inner struggle against reality that ends up in discomfort every time I believe they should be any different. Reality is what it is. My disagreement won’t change it a bit. The only solution lies in coming in terms with it. I can reach acceptance and be at peace, centered and myself. I can watch and learn what this situation teaches me about myself, where it is my perception that could be altered. Since nothing will ever change if the change doesn’t take place in me first – and then, everything changes along.

What to do when my ‘should’ talks about myself, my own body or my actions? In this case, I am playing on my own playground, yet again I am at odds with reality, otherwise I wouldn’t hear a ‘should’ in my head.

I still can freely ask the same question: what is the situation as of now? The answer will be, the way it is. And it is that way regardless of my idea of what I should or should not do, feel or be. It is what it is. It is here now. My feelings, thoughts, my entire being is only my responsibility. Therefore I can accept myself exactly the way I am at this very moment. Not trying to battle myself anymore, not hurting myself or poisoning myself with dissonance

I do it because I want to understand myself. I understand that everything is only up to me. I can grand myself freedom and clarity of my thoughts and feelings while being at peace with myself and the world around me. Within this peace, I can find strength to take next steps towards change, if that is what I want. A change in me and therefore also in those around.


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